Where: Action Comics #326

Who: The Legion of Super-Heroes

What: The Revolt of the Girl Legionnaires!

Oh yeah, kids. We're gonna take a look at the Legion again. God, I love the Legion. The early stories are so far gone, just so goofy and strange, that they make me gape in wonder. The later stuff is just really well done. This bit here is about the early stuff. When, like many superheroes, the Legion was a pack of idiots and bastards. God bless 'em, every one.

So what happens? Well, the title is kinda a give-away, I admit. The female members of the Legion decide to capture the male members. They will do this by asking to be kissed and then unleashing some clever trap. That's all they got. Wanna get a boy not looking for trouble? Ask him to kiss you! Details don't matter, even superheroes stop thinking once a pretty girl asks to be kissed. That's when you unleash your trap!

And well, it worked. I won't lie to you. The girls win. Then they dance. They... dance. Let's take a look at that, shall we?

Let us note first the evil look on Saturn Girl's face. "CELEBRATE, CELEBRATE!!" she demands of her co-conspirators. And then you have Light Lass doing... I don't know. She's leaping, but that one leg is up and maybe she's kicking her heels? I don't know. I do know that I love Supergirl's screaming, "IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?… HA! HA!" Christ on toast, she's fucking lost it!

But wait! Why have the female members turned on the males? Was it just time? I mean, I can kinda understand it, at first glance. The guys have spent untold stories saying "You girls stay here where it's safe!" as if the women weren't also superheroes! So after a while of that I can understand the need to just take them out.

But they are all in the Legion -- surely they haven't gone evil!

And they haven't. They were, of course, brainwashed. Brainwashed over the space radio/TV thing by Queen Azura! What? Who is Queen Azura? Well, she's a queen, see. And her name is Azura. She is on a planet, whose name I will get to in a minute, where they decided to banish all the men.

Well now, why would they do such a thing? Well, it seems that the women on this planet wanted to have a lot of parties. ROCKET PARTIES. Those are, for the slow, parties where you launch a bunch of rockets into the sky. Rocket parties sound like fun to me!

But the men warn the women that if they have rocket parties they could harm the planet's moon. In retaliation, the women round up all the men and send them off planet for daring to try and stop the rocket parties. You cannot stop the rocket parties. Fools! Who would stop the rocket parties?!

So, the Queen contacts the Legion and brainwashes the female members to continue this whole "get rid of men" deal she has going on. No clue if she also brainwashed the female members into having rocket parties, but I would think that wouldn't take any real push. I mean -- rocket parties, am I right?

But anyway! Azura calls the Legion and says that they should release the men, as there has been a terrible mistake. Oh no, you don't mean...

Yeah, see, the rocket parties kinda split their moon in two. So Mon-El and Ultra Boy put it back together (What? With TAPE?! They what? HOW?!) and that makes the women realize that the men were right and should be listened to because they are smarter. I am not making this up. So Azura releases the women Legion members from her wicked spell, and everything is fine once more.

Now the Queen is a Queen. Of a planet. Whose name is ... are you ready?

FEMNAZ.

Yes, the evil brainwashing, getting rid of men women all come from FEMNAZ. How subtle can you get? Well. Well. I. There aren't words. Wait, no, there is one word:

FEMNAZ.

Christ. Yeah, welcome to the future, boys and girls. Where evil women come from FEMNAZ, but don't worry, they'll learn that men are smarter once they blow up the moon.

Long Live the Legion.

p.s.: FEMNAZ!